Confidence..or the lack of

My biggest battle isn’t with a person, it is fighting with my inner self.  I do believe that one day I will win this battle and like myself.

As most of you know, I have always been lacking self-confidence. Even after losing 67 pounds. It may have increased a tiny bit, but not where it probably should be. And certainly not where I would love it to be. I am surrounded by doubt. I look in the mirror and frown. Of course my husband tells me I’m beautiful and sexy, but isn’t he supposed to? I mean this man was telling me this when I was 8 months pregnant and eating the house down. Ha! It’s always been an issue for me though and I may put a smile on my face, but on the inside I am cringing on the inside, stomach in knots. Is this too tight, too loose, too short, too many lump & bumps, fat rolls, back fat, saggy skin, bat wings for arms, I still look pregnant….these are just a few things that are like a  constant scroller in my mind.

For the first time ever, the husband and I were going to a costume party. Circus themed. I was overly excited and was itching to find the perfect costume. We had several ideas about what to be. I wanted something simple and comfortable (I would be wearing it for a while). My first thought was to be an elephant. No joke. I figured that way I could be completely covered and not have a worry in the world. Husband threw that idea out the window. He, of course, wanted me to show off my ummm, new body. I can’t lie, a tiny part of me wanted to show off too. After all, I have worked so hard to get where I am at. But who was I kidding. As quickly as the idea entered my head, I was immediately coming up with excuses NOT to. My face turned 17 shades of red just thinking of it. No way!

We spent two days costume hunting. I found tons of stuff… but only if I wanted to be skimpy, show my belly or have my ass hanging out of something. Oh and lots of stuff for vampires and clowns. Clowns was completely out of the question. Vampires wouldn’t really fit into a circus themed party. I was encouraged to try on a few outfits at one store. In the meantime, the guy working there was very helpful and kept throwing out some great ideas. Until he said “How about a fat suit”. I held my breath, while my inside was screaming at him. I wanted to punch him, in the face. But I knew he was just doing his job, he had no clue about my past. Finally, I said “No thank you” with a smile (I think). Anyway, after trying on a few things, I was still undecided. And frustrated.

Finally! We, well the husband, came up with an idea. A good one, that I actually liked. I was a brave girl in the moment and was all for it. He suggested a knife thrower & an assistant. Sold! I loved the idea. We looked up costumes and realized we only needed a shirt for him. Even better! Me, well that was a different story. I needed everything and normally he doesn’t like to spend a lot on something I may wear only once. I am pretty sure I knew why he didn’t spending the money this time. Ha!

This was our costume!

My outfit covered everything, for the most part. It was high cut on the hips, but I didn’t mind so much. Plus it came with a pair of bloomers and those made me feel better. I was a little terrified worried for the BIG reveal. All people have seen me in lately have been jeans/t-shirt or workout clothes. So, this was definitely a step up on the girly side. (Understatement of  the year!)

Sometime during this party, all the girls decided to put on leotards! Don’t ask! And this was me in one of those. It’s ok to laugh, I did and still am!

It was amazingly wonderful to hear all the compliments, some more straight forward than others. Ha!! (I’m sure you can imagine) A few words that I do remember are: hot, sexy, sassy, mischievous. I can’t help but laugh. Don’t get me wrong, if I said I didn’t like what I heard, I would be lying.

At the same time, I still struggle with all this. When someone gives me a compliment, I quickly realize that you are noticing certain things and therefore must be noticing the bad things too, right?! For me, a compliment is almost as hard as criticism. I go into this denial frame of mind. If you swallow “you’re stupid, ugly, fat, a failure, [fill in the blank]” often enough, whether from others or from your own head, somewhere along the way you start to believe it. I try so hard to say “thank you” when someone has something nice to say about me, but most of the time the “thank you” is forced. Why is it so hard to see myself the way that others see me? Why can’t I just say “thank you”, smile, and throw a compliment back at the compliment-or? I cannot possibly deserve positive feedback….so if anyone who pays me a compliment must be either lying, misguided, or feeling sorry for me. (At least that is what I think) So, when I say I’m struggling….I am. It’s not just something I’m going to get over with a snap of a finger. Please, no lecture. I’m trying.

But all that aside, I enjoyed the party and tried to let it all go, at least for one night, anyway.

Week 44

Another week with Weight Watcher’s and I’m still going strong! Week 44 to be exact! I absolutely LOVE it!

We got a new fancy scale (or to me it’s fancy) so I was unsure of how today’s weigh in would go. I was, however, very thankful for our new scale. I had been wanting one for a while now! So happy the husband finally caved agreed and got me one. But I knew with in two tenths of a pound how my weigh in would go with our old scale. I trusted it. But that last few weeks its been acting funky and not very accurate. Leaving  me unsure and almost in the dark with it come to weigh in. (Hence, the new scale.) So, this morning I step on it and to my surprise it said this:

I was instantly excited. But just as quick, I was overcome with worry. What if the scale wasn’t right?! But then I realized it didn’t matter so much. This week was good. I have worked out. I have not pigged out, nor consumed junk. So I was good…right?! Or at least I had hoped. That number doesn’t define me!! Plus, I had my best time for a mile since I started running; 8:46! Several non-scale victories! So, I would just have to wait and see if I would have a scale victory too.

And I did!!! I was surpingsly happy to see my WW leader write down -2 lbs! Wahooooo. Sweetness.

We had several new member today. I love new members and the joy it brings to my leader. Her eyes truly light up. We share our celebrations. Several of my girls did really good and had awesome weight losses. Also, Kristie told us about her 62 mile bike ride! (Holy cow!) She is my new hero! That is so impressive and I am honored to know her and call her a friend. She is one strong, loving, determined woman. Another story from a friend of her really finding her inner strength. Walking has become part of her life and as a result has not only lost weight, but many, many inches! She shared an amazing story that had most of us (including myself) in tears. Wow!!! This is why I love my meetings!

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Today was my daughter’s last day of kindergarten. *big sigh* (Officially summer now!) My little girl is growing up and I’m not quite sure how I feel about that. But I am proud of her and she is excited to be out of school. She says she is ready to take on first grade. When I picked her up from school today (early dismissal) she had tons of papers, workbooks and a great big math book. There was even a list of supplies needed for her 1st grade class. Geez! Already?!! 20 glue sticks! One child needs 20 sticks of glue? Of course the list was long and very detailed. Don’t get me wrong, I love to be organized, but c’mon!

Anyway, I surprised her by taking her out for lunch to celebrate. Her choice. We ended up at one my favorite Mexican places. (My child has good taste!) I asked her what she wanted to do what we got back home and she said take pictures. Of what I ask and she points to me. Ohhh how I love this child! She is fascinated with me now. I am much happier and wayyy more active and she realizes that. And of course I just so happen to love having my picture taken now, so I was in!

A few pictures from today’s photo shoot. My little photographer was very good, detailed and was telling me how to stand and where to put my hands. I asked her if she wanted to be a photographer after she graduated college (yes, she will go to college!). She laughs and says “No mama, I want to be a doctor”. YESS!!! Good girl But, she would make a fine photographer in my book.

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So, we have been invited to a Memorial Day party on Sunday. It’s a costume party. Theme: Circus. Costumes are a must. I am racking my brain on what to be, how to dress, cover up, show it off….oh I have a headache. I am open for ANY suggestions. I need all the help I can get!! Please!

When I told my daughter about the costume party, she knew exactly what I should be. A trash can. Because there are trash cans at the circus. haha!!!

(Just don’t say clowns. I am terrified of clowns)

Ps. 16 days till the beach!!!

[wey-ster]

Wast-er [wey-ster] noun: a person or thing that wastes  time, money, etc.

My picture should be next to this word in the English dictionary!!

Lately, I have been such a waster. I think I want something to eat. Of course not anything in the house, but if I am out running errands or on my way home from work. I get it in my head that something would be soooo good. A burger. A fresh salad. Smoothie. Ice cream. Doesn’t matter what it is, if at that moment it sounds good, then I’ll make my way to get one. Once I have it, I think I am going to be so happy. Literally two bites or sips later I am done. It’s not good. I don’t want it anymore. WTH?! So not only am I wasting money, but I am wasting so much food/drink. Geez! I am ashamed.

So as of today, I have decided to try extra hard to fight these instant cravings (not sure what you call them) and avoid ALL fast food or gas station. Unless I actually need gas. I am wasting too much money. It’s ridiculous. And once the husband reads this…well, I’m sure he will be smitten with his lovely wife. *insert sarcasm*

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I have not been doing a whole lot of anything since my race this past Saturday. I just don’t want to. Ha! It’s not that I don’t think I need to, cause lord knows I do. The scale has been my friend this week and I haven’t gained anything since Thursday. Which is a miracle in itself! Really! Normally after a weekend, I’m up 2 or 3 lbs. Could be from water weight, or eating out, or a combination of both + not exercising. But since the scale is being nice, I have not felt the need to hop on the treadmill. That is…until tonight. I just wanted to!  *cheering with pom poms in hand*

Another reason of my sudden impulse to hop on the treadmill, well, I want to stay where I am at. I like how I look (with clothes on) and I love how easy it is to run. And not just run, everything seems easier now. I like it that way. Before I would struggle just to tie my damn shoe laces. So in order to stay or wait for it…..MAINTAIN, I know what I have to continue to do. Yes, yes I do.

Ohhh and for the first time in my life, I bought a pair of shorts. No, that’s not the good part. I have bought shorts before…but NEVER A SIZE 2!!!!!! Holy crap! That is just insane to type, much less knowing how amazingly, awesome it was to buy them. As soon as I tried on what I thought was my size (4) I had this massive grin on my face. I threw them over the door of the dressing room (at Old Navy they get you another size when you do that) and waited for a smaller size. I excitedly said “size 2 please” and the boy laughed. I couldn’t help it. I have NEVER asked for a smaller size. Anyway, I was wondering if they would even fit. Yea, the 4′s were too big, but I know how everything is made differently and I was already telling myself they weren’t going to fit. Well guess what, I tried them babies on and they fit!! I ran, from the dressing room and found the husband. He thought something was wrong….but nope, not today!!!

I also picked up this tank! (Thanks for my Twinkie for pointing it out)

If you haven’t figured it out yet…I LOVE RUNNING!!! I love how it makes me feel. I love what it does for my body, my mood, my confidence!!!! Love it!

 

I read this somewhere and loved it:

Any experience can be transformed into something of value. Everything depends on the way you look at things. You cannot have the success without the failures.

Furry Friends 5k

Another 5k this morning and I found myself very nervous. I wasn’t sure why though. I had butterflies in my belly and I was acting as if it was my first race. Crazy! (I guess if I ever get comfortable with it, then it’s time to find something else to do) It’s a crazy feeling, but as soon as I cross the start line, all my fears and worries disappear.

I wasn’t sure what to expect, as far as the path of this 5k. There wasn’t a map for me to study before hand, so I felt like I was going in this blind. It was at a marina, so I had an idea of what it might be like. (Winding roads, dirt roads, ramps & hills). I was at a panic the more I thought about it, so I decided to just start my music. (Always calms me). And of course that is when the dude talks about the race, the course, the turns…CRAP…I had to stop my music and listen. I heard the tail end of what he said…”all right bearing turns, lots of hills and ONLY come down this way once”. WHAT?! My heart stops. What did that mean? I soon realized I should have been listening the whole stinkn’ time!

As we are lining up I notice there aren’t that many people. To my surprise I sorta liked it. (I don’t do crowds very well) Husband said this is the kind of race you do if you really want to win? Me. Winning? He is really funny sometimes. I knew, after checking out everyone, that I was NOT going to win, but I wouldn’t let that stop me from doing my best. So, lining up there is a spray painted sign on the pavement that I found humorous.

Since there wasn’t a lot of people, I kept inching my way towards the faster pace line. Knowing good and well I couldn’t run that…but hey, nobody was there to tell me to back up slow poke! Ha!

The race starts. Of course at the beginning we ran up a slight hill. No problem, I got this…and then the right bearing turns begin. We were off down a path, across a parking lot (broken asphalt, pot holes & glass everywhere), to what looks like a dead end, we loop around and come right back the way we just went. Then yes, another right turn…I was beginning to see the pattern. In and out loops. Oh dear god. I was going to die. These hills were awful and the signs where not clear as to what way to go. And oddly, for the first time EVER, I was passing people (well, except for the front runners about 10 minutes in front of me). Ha! With nobody to follow I felt the panic again. Where do I go? Where do I turn? Aghhhhh!

I kept going and sure enough I see the front crowd again and breath a deep sigh of relief. They were coming out of the loop and I was going in. Once out of these loops a couple of times, the course took a turn (a right one of course) and was straight for a hill. Not just any hill, I mean a HILL! (The hill I remembered from the entrance as we turned into the place). I wasn’t sure if I was going to make this. I was already so tired, hot and my lungs were on fire. I felt so out of shape. I knew that wasn’t the case, it was all these damn hills, back to back! Torture. Anyway, I just give it my all and as I reach the top I am so thrilled. I even stopped (for like a microsecond) to look down at the hill I just ran up! Accomplishment was written all over the smile on my face! Not only had I just ran up the biggest hill EVER, but now I get to run DOWN it to the finish line!!! I kept telling myself “Don’t trip, don’t trip”!! I was at the bottom of the hill, took a RIGHT turn and down the last hill (the one we only come down once) and there it was! The finish line! Wahoooo!

Boy was I ready to be done with this race. I made my way across the finish line, seeing the clock 30:13. I stopped my RunKeeper within a second of me crossing the finish. RunKeeper: 29:03. Either way I was very pleased with my time considering this awful course! Holy crap! This was the hardest 5k I have ever done!!

My daughter did her first one mile fun run today too! There were only three kids that participated. Which I was happy about because my child really wanted a trophy! Ha! And just her luck, she got one! She was so happy and then she turned to me and had this sad look. I asked her what was wrong, she says “Mama, you didn’t win anything”. Awww she is the sweetest! I told her it was ok because I did win today! (That hill still in my mind). So, she was presented with a 3rd place trophy and was ready to show it off!! So proud of her!!

Now, the after party! I had no idea there would even be one. And we normally don’t stay for them if there is one. I’m usually too tired to even care. But since this was at the lake & it was shaded by all the big trees, we decided to stay. And I am so glad we did. There were door prizes given away. Of course I didn’t win anything, I never do. A small one man band stand was setting up, a catering truck was making its way through to set up for lunch (hamburgers, hotdogs, chicken & all the works). A huge blow up jumping thing for the kids and a few of those bean bag toss things. And when I look in another direction, I knew at that moment we were definitely staying!

After eating and having a drink or two, we decide to head out. We had been there a while and was ready to get home. As we were walking to the car, I notice this sign. I just had to take a picture. After all, we were leaving this after party that included both! Ha!!!

We did take a lot of pictures today, so I’ll share a few. I really love that fact that when I have a race, we make it a family event!

This happens to be my newest favorite-est picture!!! L.O.V.E it!

Super GOAL!

When I first joined Weight Watcher’s, I had in the back of my mind, more like a dream, that I wanted to lose 65 pounds. This was more than doable, but knowing my track record (previous attempts/failure, yo-yo dieting, quitting everything I started), I was sure I would never make it far past 20, much less make it to my ultimate super goal. Oh, and as you can read, I wasn’t too sure or confident in myself either.

My, my, my how ALL of that has changed. Joining Weight Watcher’s has been the best thing I have ever done for ME. I know I have said that time and time again, but it’s so true. And today, 43 weeks later, I have met that SUPER goal that I thought was unreachable. I lost 1.6 lbs this week and that brings my total weight loss to 65.6 lbs!

I am now confident in ALL that I do, I am no longer a quitter at anything (well, maybe I quit the coupon thing, but I’ll leave that to my husband), I am active, I am fit, I am HEALTHY! My attitude has changed so much. Ok, well I still have a attitude too, so maybe I should say my outlook has changed. Ha! I wake up everyday and realize that this is it, that there is only one shot at this life. I can either enjoy the ride  and live it up….or I can stay the way that I was. Guess what I chose?! I mean really, its what YOU want and how bad you want it and what you are wiling to do to make it happen! I was a girl on a mission. I was beyond determined. I had (and still do) such a passion and a drive that I WAS going to make this happen. This time around, quitting was NOT an option.

Along the way I became a runner and have completed lots of races (which I LOVE and find very addicting). Now, I am not a fast runner, but yes, I am a runner. My times are improving and I can only hope that they will continue. I love to run, really! I know its a great calorie burning heart rate increasing sweat bath, but for me, its MY time. My time to chill, to relax. Basically it’s my therapy (as is this blog)

So what’s next?

I want to get on the bike a lot more and use it to cross train. My cousin, Joe (I blame him) has given me the hope that one day I can be as great as he is. He is truly an athlete and I admire him. Let’s be honest, I envy him. So Joe, thanks for the pep talks, the encouragement and just believing in me.

I’ll be fighting to the death to keep this weight off. I look back at older pictures and lord how mercy its sad. I find myself a sobbing mess. (Why is losing weight so emotional?) I am so proud beyond words of how far I have come and how much I have accomplished. I don’t want to slip up and find myself turning to food like I once did. I am much stronger than that now. I do not want to trade what I have worked so hard to get for something I only want in the moment. Plus, I am surrounded by a loving support system who won’t let me slip! (Or at least I hope the hell not!!) I am certainly not aiming for perfect…just to be a little better today, than I was yesterday.

In a years time:

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And on a sassy note (thanks to my Twinkie) this truly is for me!! Well at least today anyway

A week!

It’s been an entire week since I have blogged!! What?!!

Where do I start? Since my last WW meeting so much has happened. So much to talk about! Including the good, the bad and maybe the not so good. But this blog is like therapy to me. For real.

So, at my Weight Watcher’s meeting (last week) was really good. I didn’t have to go work so I was able to stay for the ENTIRE meeting. So happy and loved every minute of it. I even lost 1.4 lbs which I was super excited about. With that loss, that brought me back to 130. This is where I feel the most comfortable and confident. My pants fit perfectly, even a little loose. So, my plan is to stay here for more than just fifteen minutes!

To ensure this, I went straight home to eat. Normally I would have stopped and gotten a bite to eat (my fav mexican place) or maybe even some frozen yogurt. Yes, I always account for all that, but I didn’t want to have to. I figured why not change things up and actually be GOOD on Thursdays! Yea, shocking….I know! So I happily went home, had some lunch and enjoyed my afternoon.

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Well, lots thing going on and I’ve been so busy. Swim lessons, work, trying to plan my son’s first birthday, keeping the house clean (that’s a chore in itself), wondering what do to this summer with the kids, vacation is almost here (eeekkkkk!) and trying to keep up my fitness all at the same time. Anyone can see this has been a challenge! *sigh*

Oh and hubby took me shopping and was helping me try on clothes and picking out some things he liked on me. It was really fun and I got sooooo much stuff, including another bathing suit!! I find it oddly strange how I love to go clothes shopping now. I do believe I have created a monster and poor hubby’s wallet will suffer.  Hee hee

Friday night, we met Alicia for dinner and had a couple of adult beverages. Ok, so I was the only one who had more than one! Ha! This was much needed and relaxed me. (Perfect!) Plus we met at my favorite…mexican food!!! It’s gonna be the death of me if I keep it up. Ha! It was sorta dark in the restaurant, but of course we managed to take a picture! Love this chick!!

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And Mother’s Day was approaching and this is not an easy holiday for me. Yes, I am a proud mother of two amazingly, awesome kids and I am beyond thankful for them. However, this is a bittersweet holiday as I think of  how close my mother and I used to be one one time, a very long time ago. Since, many years have passed and not a word between us. Unless you count the fights, the name calling, etc. But, regardless of how many years go by, if I said I didn’t miss her, I would be lying. I will always love my mother, simply for that reason, she is my mother. We are beyond the fixable stage, I’m sure. But I can’t help to get a little emotional over the whole deal. It does remind me (not that I needed any) but of how thankful I am to be a mother and I will ALWAYS cherish my children. There is nothing either of my kids could possibly do or say to keep me away from them or out of their lives. No way.

Despite all the feelings and “old” emotion, I enjoyed my Mother’s Day! Being with my husband and kids was, well…it was simply perfect in every way. I love my family immensely. A few perks of this fabulous day, I received a Kindle Fire! Wahoooo. I have become a very adamant reader lately, so this was awesome. Plus, the hubby had put a gracious number of books on there for me! Also, my son, using finger paint, created this awesomely cool painting!! And my daughter brought home this paper from school, it was an “All about Mom”, fill in the blank style. A must see!

I’ll help you out with the blanks in case you can’t read her wonderful handwriting

My mom is 71 years old. She likes to workout. The best thing she cooks is cookies. Her favorite food is salad. Her favorite thing to do to relax is take a nap. We like to run together. She is really good at biking. As you can see, my mom is special because She takes me to the zoo. Love, Alexis

I love this more than you know! I can only wonder what this would be like if she had done this a year ago!!! I’m afraid, ashamed even to think about it.

Our family photo from Mother’s Day

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I have a race on Saturday! I am totally stoked and can’t wait. Also, my 6 year old will be doing the 1 mile fun run!!! A happy, healthy and active family! What’s not to love??

Mojo…where are you?

I have finally figured it out! Someone has stole my mojo!

 

Or at least that is what I have thought  for the past couple weeks. Since my last race (half marathon), my runs have been very slack (half ass if I’m being honest). I have felt that my love for running was vanishing. I was easily tired and have been struggling to just do a simple 3 mile run. My energy level has gone from over drive to pretty much non-existent. You can imagine how frustrating this has been. I have felt so bored, uninspired and really lacking motivation. Where was the spark I once had? Not having this was really making my days go from great to just plain blah. I, for one, love having GREAT days.

Along with my runs becoming slack, so has my eating. I wasn’t eating junk, but I have been eating bigger portions. Probably just as bad as eating junk. (But I keep telling myself it’s not) This has really been bothering me and of course I am an emotional eater (Not sure that will ever change) so that doesn’t help. My guilty pleasure has been popcorn (the good kind with butter…not the fat free tastes like cardboard kind) AND….maybe I went to Dairy Queen and got a blizzard. Maybe. I’ll really never tell. Either way, I could feel what all this was doing to me and I didn’t like it.

*Light Bulb* I figured it out. When I first starting running, I immediately signed up for races. I had one scheduled once a month, sometimes two. With a race planned and on the calendar (and paid for) I knew I had to train for it. There was no slacking off, no half-ass runs, no excuses. I just got it done. So, today or tonight rather, I will be on http://www.active.com/ to find some upcoming races. I know I don’t have to do this, but I’ll do what I can to keep that passion going. Or until I think I can really find a great balance of running and eating. (Hahahah!) Until then, I will continue to do races. They are addicting & you get awesome t-shirts! It’s what I like to do.

I just think that after the half marathon, I was sick of running. I was tired and wore out. (I took 3 days to recover!) Horrible, I know. Lazy, maybe. But after talking to my WW girls today (we have weekly check-in’s, which I love) I realized I am just torturing myself. I know better and now I know exactly how to get my “mojo” back! I was reminded (yes, sometimes I forget since it’s still all so new to me) that I am an athlete now and can NOT feed my body garbage! How come you know something, but when someone else says it, it really hits you hard. It really woke me up. Now I’m not saying I’ll do races forever, but I will put a few on the calendar to keep the competitive side of me going.

I really do love running. It has become a part of me. I’m actually ashamed of how I have been doing these past couple of weeks, but at the same time I am being honest and throwing it all out there. Judge me if you wish, but hey, honesty is the best policy (In my book).

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I got out the bike, from the garage and dusted the cob webs off. Thanks for my cousin Joe (The ultimate athlete. He is such an inspiration! This man is so accomplished and give 110% with everything he does.) I wanted to give my bike another try. Before…well we won’t go there. Ha! Now, I wanted to see how I could do. Omgosh, I only managed to do 3 laps (miles) in my neighborhood. I could barely breathe and my legs and lungs were on fire! Good grief. This will take some work, but so did running and I’m up for the challenge.

I took a picture a while back, but just HAD to recreate this one! *singing* Love it!

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On a personal note, I got some new ink! I have been wanting this for a while, but never really had the nerve. But late Friday night, I did!

Ta-Da!

I want to take my dreams & goals and turn them into a reality…take flight, if you will. Cheesy, maybe…but this means so much to me.

Funnel cake!

Today we had planned a trip for a Cinco de Mayo carnival (at a local school)! I was taking the kids and since the hubby had to work, I knew it would help with passing the time and have some fun too. Plus, we were meeting up with my g’friend Alicia & her family. Fun, Fun!

It was raining this morning, but then turned off so HOT and very humid. But we were still going. You can’t change your mind on something like that with a 6 year old! You would be the worst mom ever. Ha! And for some stupid reason, I wore cargo pants. Who knows what I was thinking. Maybe that it might start raining again, I don’t know. Anyway, I get the kids ready and head that way.

We meet them there and the kids take off and we are close behind. There was so much for them to do. The first thing is the big blow up Titanic slide! (I secretly wanted to do it!). The kiddos make there way to the top and quickly slid down. And again. By the third time, we had to stop them and keep moving.  Along the way, we find all the games, face painting, water balloons, petting zoo (baby kangaroos, camels, turtles, goats and even camels) and all the other carnival fun you would think of.

The biggest challenge for me today: Carnival food! Yikes!!!

Something told me to eat lunch before we left, but it was only 10:30ish and I wasn’t really hungry. (Next time, I will eat regardless). All the smells were in the air and man, it all smelled so good. There were burgers and hotdogs on the charcoal grill and I felt the wind kept purposely blowing the smoke in my direction. Along with the hamburgers/hotdogs, there was pizza, chips, cotton candy, popcorn, muffins, egg rolls, sandy candy (where you put the “sand” in a tube and mix the colors like you would it if were real sand, but in this case, it was pure sugar). Then I turn and see a huge stand for FUNNEL CAKES! Omg!! Funnel cakes used to be one of my all time favorite treats. Temptation!! It was all around me. I even went to look and smell the funnel cakes…I was drooling. They were only $5. I went back and forth and in my head I kept saying NO, NO, NO!! In the end, I refused the yummy funnel cake. (YAY me!!!)

I did get a hamburger (only ate the patty with a tiny bit of ketchup) and a few bbq chips. So all in all, not bad for what it could have been. Very happy that I brought my willpower with me today! Phew….

After a couple of hours, we packed things up and and headed home. It was so hot and I was sick of smelling all the yummy goodness! Ha! Also, I had two grumpy kids who were ready for naps!  But at least they did have some fun!

Now, we are home, kids are napping and I’m planning our dinner.

Rule # 76

As usual, on Thursday is my Weight Watcher day!

Week 41 results: Gained 1.8 lbs

This is not a shocker what so ever. And to be honest, for the FIRST time, I am not upset the least bit. I would like to believe this is just the muscle I have gained. (Hahahahhaha). But come on, let’s be real here. This gain is the post recovery marathon celebratory eating! And the fact that I only worked out 3 days this week. (Hey, they way my legs were feeling, I was proud of those 3 days!) I think the fact that I have come so far and have many accomplishments under my belt, that a pound or two is not going to break me.

So, I happily sat in my chair for the meeting. I still got stickers for exercise AND for my non-scale victory. (Half marathon). I was excited to share with the group and even showed off a few pictures. And there was a lady (new to me) who was there today and she has done 9 half marathons! Whoa baby! She is my hero and definitely an inspiration to me, as well as many others.

I also got my voucher for free eTools for WW online! (Another perk of being a Lifetime Member) Never really had much to do with WW online, but now I am sure I’ll see what’s it all about.

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Since the marathon, I have sorta slacked off….a little. I have felt so drained, sluggish and just been lazy. The days I have worked out, they were just half ass if I being honest. I keep using the excuse of the marathon and the miles and the heat and blah blah blah. And all I have wanted to eat is stupid peanut butter captain crunch. Other than a hand full of pineapple, I don’t think fruit made it to my mouth. Hello! Marathon was almost a week ago. I have fully recovered. I am just fine. Now…time to get back to it.

This brings me to Rule #76 (just a random number I picked, just now) Rule #76: NO EXCUSES!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No more, I don’t feel good. I am tired. I need a nap. I want to sit down. I’m bloated (yes, I have actually said that this week, more than once) My legs hurt. I’m hungry, so let’s go eat JUNK or cereal in my case. That’s got to stop and it stops TODAY!

If I am going to continue running and strength training, I can’t let one race knock me down for a week. That is ridiculous. Yes, it was my biggest and longest race so far, but still. I love running and being fit & healthy. I want to continue to improve. I have never thought about quitting, but I always remind myself of why I started!

Country Music Half Marathon

Today was the day! Country Music Half Marathon; 13.1 miles! My first!! I was a ball of emotions. Excited, nervous, anxious, terrified…you name it and I am pretty sure that would have described me this morning.

Me and one my best friends, Brande, was going to do this race. [Brande recently moved to VA, but she made the trip to TN this weekend to do the race with me. Brande and I have been friends ever since I moved here, so at least 4 years. She is very dear to me & I love her to pieces. We have shared many memories together. She always says we are kindred spirits.]

Our plan was to make sure we left early enough. We knew the race started at 7am, but we also knew there would be lots of traffic, road blocks, road closures and tons of other people. So, we left this morning about 5:45ish. Her hubby was gracious enough to drive us and drop us off so we didn’t have to worry with parking! Yuck, neither of us wanted to deal with it. So, we get dropped off at the perfect spot. Finished getting ready (putting our race bib’s on and of course fixing our hair). Then the dreaded potty trip. We both had to go, so we found what we thought would be a quick line. Wrong! But we stayed anyway. We were in the line at Starbucks (Thank you Starbucks for being open and letting us marathoner’s use your potty!) for nearly 25 minutes, maybe more. I found humor in this sign they put up as we waited.

Time to line up! By the time we got done with what was suppose to be our quick potty break, we ended up being nearly at the back of the race line (rather than in our designated corral number. No worries, we made it and was IN line! I couldn’t believe just how crowded it was. Tons of people, over 30,000 folks! I tried to take a picture of the massive amount of people in front of us, but I was too short. I could barely see over anyone’s head. Ha! But it was totally awesome, trust me. So, we just took a picture of us!

We had a plan. A plan of sticking together (as much as me could). I knew it would be hard for me to keep up with her, she’s fast. But we also agreed that if one of us had the urge or the energy, to go for it! We didn’t want to hold each other back, at all. We are at the start line and all my nerves were gone. Now, my only thought was GO!

Starting off was really good, I was able to keep up and we hit the 5k mark at about 32 minutes. We were staying a few steps within each other. We also agreed to stop (walk) thru every hydration station. There was water, Gatorade and Gu stations. So every station, we took a few seconds and quickly walked and guzzled the water/Gatorade. And I must say, that I have become a HUGE fan of the peanut butter Gu! It’s awesome. Approaching the 10k (6.2 miles) mark, our time was still pretty good; 1:08. Well, at least I thought our time was good. I, for one, am not a fast runner.

Mile 8. I was hot, my feet were hurting and I started to wonder why in the hell I signed up for this. I wanted to quit. I actually thought about stopping and sitting on the sidewalk. You know, just enjoy the view and people watch. I had lost sight of Brande. I wasn’t sure if she was ahead of me or somehow behind me. But I knew I wasn’t a quitter. I started thinking of the many things I have done and how far I had come in the past 10 months. And I also knew how many times I have started things in the past and quit, never finished them. NOT this time. I was not stopping. I turned up my music and dug deep. I pushed myself to keep going. I was over come with emotion and I knew I was going to finish this race.

I made it to mile 10 and guess who I see.??! My husband!! Yay! I was so excited and even thought I was going to cry. (I can’t lie, a tear or two did roll down my face) Crazy, right?! I was so happy to see him. But he didn’t see me, even though I was waving my arm like a crazy person. So I got right in from of him and said “Hey honey!”. He quickly starting taking pictures and I keep on moving! I was pumped and seeing him was exactly what I needed.

My RunKeeper (which I love) was giving my stats every 5 minutes. I had 3 more miles to go and was pushing hard to finish at 2:30:00 or less. Maybe not a realistic goal, but I was trying my hardest to do it. It was more of a personal goal than anything. If nothing else, but to prove it to myself that I was capable. I knew I had 25 minutes to go 3 miles. Ha! I knew, at this point, that just wasn’t going to happen. I was tired, and I was slowing down, but I was still going. Mile 12 and oh my goodness. One more mile to go and I would be done. The thought of being finished was the best thing EVER at this point. I gave it my all and was passing people, dodging people, saying “on your left”, “on your right”. I could see the finish line. I was almost there. I was sprinting. I was trying hard not to lose focus and be a cry baby (tears of joy). I DID IT!!! I really did it!!!! I finished my first half marathon!!!!

And who is there to witness my awesome accomplishment?? That’s right, my husband! Oh how I love him and so thankful he is my biggest fan. When I stopped my RunKeeper, it said 2:34:03 and I was stoked. I was just 4 minutes shy of my preset goal. Not too bad!!! Wahoooo. But I also knew that wasn’t my official time, but still, I was super happy!

And come to find out, Brande was just a few minutes behind me. Sadly, her asthma was acting up and had to stop a few times, but she never give up! Love her and so proud of her!

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Here are some pictures from this amazing experience today!

(Just finishing 13.1 miles! Don’t be jealous of my sexy pose. Ha!)

(It was so good to sit down!)

(Me & Brande – after the race)

(Our “after” picture) Ha!

My bib and fancy medal!!! Wahooo!

The official stuff:

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Today was one of the best days. I feel so accomplished and PROUD!!! Yes, there were times where I wanted to throw in the towel and quit, but I refused. I pushed through and finished! Here’s to next year and maybe even try to beat this time!! Oh yea!! This girl ain’t stopping, this is ONLY the beginning!